Giving Myself the Silent Treatment

My thoughts have been exhausting me lately.  I just can’t stop the mouse wheel from spinning around and around. I can’t seem to resolve anything, and I lazily just allow the thoughts the proliferate and escalate in intensity.

I don’t know how to silence myself. 

One day, while out walking the dog, I observed my wandering thoughts, taking note of how negative and catastrophizing they really were.

How harmful to think those thoughts.

I realized then and there (as I have about 50 billion times over the course of my life) that I need to halt these thoughts.  While this wasn’t a revelation, the way I imagined stopping them just might be.

I will give myself the silent treatment. 

The silent treatment has significant meaning for me, as it used to be associated with pain and rejection.

My childhood.

I am almost ashamed to admit that I did not have the most healthy upbringing.  Both of my parents were moody and dissatisfied with their lives, and they often took their pain out on me and my sister.  My mother’s favorite tool was giving us the silent treatment.  She could go for days intentially averting her eyes and withdrawing from us.  Saying nothing.  I remember sitting in front of her, begging her to talk to me, sobbing from the confusion and pain of being shut out.  It was humiliating and deeply affected me.

Reappropriation.

Something so powerful (and negative) begs to be reappropriated and used for good.  Since I now associate silence with peace and meditation and relaxation, I want to invite those new associations to infuse the silent treatment with embracing love.

In giving myself the silent treatment, I will halt the escalation of negative thoughts and remind myself to be gentle and forgiving with myself.  I will breathe in the silence, knowing in my heart that it is being used for the greater good.